The torture of indecision

I'm standing at a cross roads in my life and I need to make a decision. I'm not sure I'm ready to make it but the indecision is putting unnecessary stress on me. I've been here before, it so familiar and I know that eventually the ball really is in my court because I'm the only one in charge of my life.

You know when you don't really want to make a decision you kinda like look for every excuse in the book not to do it. Or you ask for advice for which you already know the answer to. That's were I am and I'm so aware of it that it's not the decision but the indecision that is causing me pain. I've weighed all my options, I've calculated my advantages and disadvantages and all of these head in one direction, to the decision I don't really want to make. It's okay to see the reasons but I don't yet understand them. The fact is I will come to a decision eventually and either way I will have to go through some sort of drama but which one will I come out feeling better about myself. Well, that I can only decided. I'm not my thoughts, although my thoughts bring about my actions, I'm more than that thought. If I let myself be defined by a thought then I'd be one hell of a beast but I allow them then let them go and make a decision that not always is in my best interest. Because I'm human and sometimes shit happens and that's okay.

I will foucus on positive thinking, but I will also allow myself to be human, because sometimes I just can't be a robot of perfection. So this big decision is still lingering about in my mind. Can't ignore it because somehow either the energy will change and force me to make a decision or I'll just get tired of living in indecisiveness. When that happens I'll be sure to let you know, but in the mean time I will continue to be human and continue to be tortured by these demons of indecision, trusting I'll figure it out eventually!