Random Ramblings!

We'd been planning to go to the flea market this morning, but surprise surprise it was raining. That's English weather for you. So I stood gazing out of the living room feeling deflated and my eyes all misty. I've been acting very strange lately, reason I mention this because of the misty eye thing. I have a doctors appointment for 10:30 tomorrow morning hopefully she will shed some light on this behaviour.

The past couple days I haven't been myself. I've been moody lately. Nausea and dizziness struck me on Friday, told a friend who jokingly said that maybe I was pregnant. To which I laughed, unless she wasn't letting me in on something -like I'd been knocked unconscious and artificially inseminated with god knows what- then there is really no chance of that happening. But I've had all these strange symptoms:
Crazy cravings for Junk food
Dizzy spells
Excessive tiredness
Serious and unnecessary irritations- I felt my toes curl as I heard the musical ice cream van zoom past my house for what seemed like the fifth time today. (Who wants ice-cream in the pouring rain?)

Then there was the loud banging and profanities being spewed from a man two doors away. Effing at his girlfriend for effing locking him out of the house. Now this is where the bleeps usually come in because the following words are too damaging for the ears, well in this case, for the sight. So he was loudly BLEEP!......Bleep!....... Bleeping away and I choose to suspend judgement just for a moment,honestly, because not so long a go I was ramming the sharpest part of my keys into my ex's fleshy shoulders bleeping the same sort of profanities.

The thing is, when you're in the thick of it. In the zone. Your reasoning mind seems to go out with the trash and madness takes over. And you just don't seem to care how many sleeping cats you happen wake up in the process, or how many descent people you offend while they're peacefully trying to walk their dogs. Your heart is being squeezed like a sponge, which probably hurts like hell and nothing and no one matters in that moment. So I sympathise with foul mouth man standing outside his own home in the pouring rain. And remember how human we are but I also asked God to strike me down with lightening if I ever behaved in such a degrading manner again.

Finally I decided to block out these shouts with my daughters headphones and listen to some good music to calm my irrational mood. And thank goodness I'm not the one out in the pouring rain!