Feeding the ducks

Its been a long three months without a job! I'm begining to wonder if it is ever going to happen. When I decided to leave my job I was going though a nasty separation and the company was not willing to raise my salary and therefore I'd not only struggle as a single parent on a low income, with child care costs but also feel unappriciated for all the hard work I'd put in.

The job would be coming to an end anyway in August and a lot of friends and family were begining to question whether I'd made the right decision, after all I could loose everything just because I wasn't prepared to settle for less than what I deserved.

There are times when I do wonder whether or not I've made the best decision. I mean I'm being chased down by creditors and the bank calls me everyday without fail, it's begining to feel like an old ex boyfriend who doesn't understand that it's over. I wish it were that simple. If I was given the chance to do it all over again, would I? My answer would be yes.

In the last three months I've spent more time with my daughter than I've ever had in her whole short six years. I've driven her to school, picked her up, gone to all her school events, I've never seen her this happy and content.

It's been a big change for both of us, and the separation hasn't been easy but I've been there. When I was working, she'd be dropped off at the breakfast club for 8:30a.m and then picked up from an after school club at 5:45. No way for a child to live who has to go through the downs of her parents failures.

What has happened to me in these three months can't be described in words. I have managed to keep food on our table and everything else going without even relying on unemployment benifits and I'm proud of it.

So we took a drive out to Fairburn today with my niece, to feed the birds and I felt okay. At peace even though the things around me seem to be falling apart, something deeper inside me feels okay. I observed the ducks and I had to smile. All they had to do is sit and wait and the food comes freely without them having to struggle or worry about where their next bread crumb will come from.That's how I feel today, like the ducks, knowing that no matter what happens I'll get through this, we both will!