Living and Learning

EXHIBIT A (Five years old dressed in an old curtain and foster mums petticoat!)

EXHIBIT B (22yrs old, the real deal!)

I've been going through old photograh's today and I realised that I've always wanted to be a bride ever since I can remember. (See Exhibit A) Now that I think of it -like Dr Phil says- I was always preparing for the wedding but never for the marriage. I was barely out of my teens when I married A afterall at the time he was a breath of fresh air.

I mean who could blame me after my going through my share of the usual suspects;

In chronological order

First there was the compulsive liar.

The steroid junkie

The beer belly with an incy wincy pencil -like are we done? -ewwwww what was I thinking, give me a moment...... (Index finger into mouth, straight down my throat) That's better.

The Rumba and kwasa kwasa lover (no disrespect to those music lovers but I couldn't deal with it 24/7

And last but not least before meeting A, the yellow toothed midget who didn't understand the invention of the toothbrush.

You've got to understand that in my short experience with the opposite sex it hadn't brought me any new revelations. So when A came into my life he was what I'd will normal, on the surface that was, by normal I mean, (See list below)

1)He didn't break into houses, pickpockets, hijack cars or sell drugs for a living

2) He didn't wear red shoes or rainbow coloured tops. (I'm sure my fellow African ladies can relate to this eye torturing attire.)

3)No gold teeth or tattoos.

4)And even though we both worked at the Mc Donald's, both young and stupid, both without any career guidance -story for another time- he was never a sweat wiping, nose picking and bum scratching while flipping burgers type of guy (believe me I've seen many).

Who wouldn't hear the ringing of wedding bells after that. (See Exhibit B). But who gets married at twenty two these days. It was just sad. But when you're a speed dater like I am, it was bound to happen and I missed so many things that only started to rear their ugly heads after I said I DO!

But honestly I did learn an awful lot from the eight years of being married like,

learning how to howl because I knew no other way to express my emotions.

How to use sex as a weapon of mass destruction.

Where to store the sharp knives in the kitchen.

Just to mention a few, but seriously though the most important thing I learnt out of the relationship, which you should note took me eight years to grasp. Was that I couldn't change who he was no matter what I did. Whether what he did was good or bad, if he wasn't willing to change that there wasn't a dam thing I could do about it. I had to make the choice whether I could live with this or not.

At the age of thirty I finally got it! I stopped the chasing and the controlling what was outside myself and realised that this relationship was just too painful and it was turning me into a bitch. I was trying too hard to ride a horse that had been dead ages ago. It was only when I finally accepted this truth did my life feel in control again, and although it hasn't been easy for once I'm not chasing after cars, breaking in to voice mail boxes or crying into the night like a lunatic. It's been one hell of a road to recovery but I've made it and boy does it feel good!