Limiting beliefs

It's official, I'm divorced! I guess I can pawn my rings now. Looking back I never thought I'd ever get to this stage but I must admit it's not as bad as it seemed. Sometimes pain makes us make bad decisions but also just the thought of pain or the fear of pain is just as powerful. For a long time I'd known this was suppose to happen but I think that it was fear not love that kept me bound in a relationship that brought me alot of pain.

Honestly though, if I'd a second chance to do my life over from the start of let's say my teens, I'd wouldn't change a thing. I think that everything went just the way it was suppose to. Yes I could've chosen differently but it was never about getting to the finish line, it was about the journey. I'm still on that journey and looking back I'm soooooooo different to what I was ten years ago. Ten years ago I'd be yelling at a security guard for following me around a shop because the colour of my skin makes me a candidate for theft. Now I walk or simply ignore the bugger. I have more control over my life. That's not to say it's okay for other people to treat you badly, but my reactions were never about that person, they were about me actually believing the message he/ she was trying to pin on me.

It has taken me a marriage, bad jobs, bad relationships to wake me up to the reality that I'm enough. That I don't need to screech my vocal cords to force people to acknowledge it. I'm enough, it's that simple! It has taught me that being enough means walking away from the things and people that hurt me. Not gagging on the crap they feed me. That even if I have to be alone, if for a little while, and not stoop to those limiting beliefs then so be it. It's hard but it is a beautiful feeling to be in control of my own life. I've walked away from jobs and people that have been nothing but negative. And even though sometimes it feels like I'd made a mistake. (Some once said you should stick it out. That for me is the same as admitting that it's okay to be treated this way). In the long term I love myself more and it feels pretty dam good and I seem to have much more energy.

So thank you to all the people who have passed through my life. The lessons that I've learnt about myself. The love I feel for me. The reflections you brought back to me. I thank you for the experiences. Today I'm better than I was yesterday.

Enjoy this song by Faith Evans!